Yes, I realize it's technically Sunday, leave me alone. I actually did write this on Friday, but I didn't want to post it until I showed it to the person who gave me the idea first, which I did last night, so you all get it today. It's the sequel to that ridiculous story I posted a few weeks ago, picking up right where that one left off, and I think this one is even more ridiculous... I mean, come on, look at that title! The worst part is, I have an even more ridiculous idea in mind for part three...
Karenina and her
minions might have jovially flown off into the sunset, but when Amandilly
landed in the ocean scores of miles from shore, she was none too pleased. All
she had wanted to do was snack on some minions, and since Karenina had four of
them, she thought she could have spared one or two! Instead, she got attacked
by a giant, smelly kraken.
That
was an unpleasant experience.
Now
the first thing on Amandilly’s mind was revenge. Well, okay, that was the
second thing. The first thing was minion-finding. After all, a girl has to eat.
It
was hard to find minions to eat in the ocean, though, and she had to settle for
scraping plankton off a sleeping whale and eating that… the way plankton hang
on and live off of whales, it was the closest thing she could find to eating
actual minions.
Unsatisfied
but fed, she turned her thoughts to vengeance as she swam home as fast as she
could, to the undersea cave she shared with her magic mermaid roommate,
Amberella.
It
should be noted that, while Amandilly didn’t think she was evil, she, in fact,
was. She ate people. She didn’t have to. She just decided one day to limit her
meals to minions instead of, say, meat, or mozzarella.
Amberella,
on the other hand, wasn’t evil. She was a happy magic mermaid who never willingly
hurt anyone; she was the perfect example of someone who fell in with a bad
crowd without realizing it. And so, when Amandilly swam back into the cave with
a huge bruise across the side of her face from where Shadow the kraken’s
tentacle hit her, Amberella was immediately horrified that her friend had been
hurt and asked what happened.
Amandilly
told her she had been out on the beach on her way to get dinner when she was
attacked by an evil fairy princess and her gang, which, in her red-headed sea devil
mind, was exactly what happened.
Enraged
that someone would just attack her friend like that, Amberella promised she’d
use her magic to conjure up an evil, nasty beast to punish the brutes that hurt
her friend.
Amandilly
the narwhal smiled then, happy that Karenina would pay for what she did… until
she realized that Amberella’s spells never, ever worked out the way they were
supposed to…
Meanwhile,
Karenina the winged fairy and Jimothan the troll had arrived at a tavern where,
true to her word, Karenina paid for the first round. Sadly, the tavern had a
very strict “no pets allowed” policy so Sophie the duck had to stay in the
stable with Rupert the magical glitter pony. Needless to say, the stable was
veritably afire with Sophie’s indignation and they could hear the
reverberations of her “Mehs” all the way inside the tavern, which amused
Karenina and Jimothan to no end.
Jimothan
kept trying to bring up the topic of when she would keep her promise to help
him become human again, but every time he tried, Karenina changed the subject
to one of their past adventures, like the time she had sent him to woo the
crown prince of the land of Those With Caveman Hair, a land Jimothan didn’t
even want to go to because of how ridiculous the name was, or the time she had
stolen a magical viewing globe that she didn’t even know how to work from one
of her conquests. When even those tales stopped distracting him, she stooped to
exploiting Jimothan’s biggest weakness: free shots.
So
it was that, many free shots and distracted conversations later, neither
Karenina or Jimothan were in full possession of their faculties; which of
course meant that when Sophie came running through the tavern doors in flagrant
violation of the “no pets” rule, flapping her wings and quacking out “mehs”
that were far more terrified than indignant for once, it was the worst possible
time.
Jimothan
was so startled by Sophie’s sudden arrival that he leapt off of his barstool
and, in his drunkenness, promptly fell over, eliciting a fit of laughter from
Karenina. So it was from his position on the floor that, when her laughter
turned into an exclamation of surprise, he had no idea that it was because the
cause of Sophie’s fit of fear had come into the tavern until it was standing
right on top of him…
…and
he found himself staring up into the slobbering face of a cow. A cow that
promptly mooed at him before falling over.
Jimothan
barely scrambled out of the way in time to avoid having the cow land on him. He
pulled himself to a standing position as the cow did likewise, and then joined
Karenina in watching the cow almost stumble again as it walked over to them
before stumbling right past them and hitting its head on the bar.
Karenina
opined that she thought the cow was adorable, if a little bit special. Jim
opined that he just thought the cow was special. The cow didn’t opine at all;
it simply mooed pitifully and tried to come at them again, banging its head
again in the process. Feeling very bad for the poor cow, Karenina reached down
into her special red socks and gathered up some of her fairy dust and threw it
towards the cow. Suddenly, a bright blue helmet appeared on the cow’s head, a
handsome helmet for a handsome cow, Karenina called it.
Jimothan
pointed out that from the vantage point he had on the floor, he was fairly sure
this was not the kind of cow that would wear blue. Karenina giggled happily and
blinked, and the helmet became pink, with a little flower painted on the side.
Shaking
his head in drunken exasperation, Jimothan watched as the cow mooed again, a
moo that somehow sounded happier this time, and walked over to Karenina, not
noticed when she banged her head this time, and licked her hand. Karenina
smiled in satisfaction and decided the cow’s name would be Selena and she would
be joining them on their adventures, despite Jimothan’s attempt to point out
that there was no way Rupert the magical glitter pony could possibly carry a
cow on his back…
Back
in the sea cave, Amandilly and Amberella watched this scene unfold, Amandilly
angrily and Amberella amused at how cute the newly-christened Selena was in
that helmet. Amandilly sighed helplessly as she realized she shouldn’t have
expected anything really evil to come out of a spell cast by a mermaid as sweet
as her cavemate, and cheered herself up by thinking that even though a cow with
special needs didn’t help her get her revenge tonight, Karenina did just gain
another minion… for Amandilly to eat next time!
The End
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