Stormtrooper Terry

Stormtrooper Terry

Monday, February 20, 2012

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - The New "Worst. Movie. Ever."

Once upon a time, about ten years ago, actually, me and a few friends decided on a whim to see a movie that was out at the time called Ghost Ship.

Really, the "Sea Evil" pun should tell you all you need to know.

Have you ever been in a movie theater and there was a group of people there that did nothing but loudly mock the flick the entire time and it annoyed the crap out of you? I have to admit, during Ghost Ship, we were that group of people, with one difference: nobody was annoyed, because we weren't the only ones. This movie was honestly so bad that there was not one person in that theater who was taking it seriously. There was literally only one good part of the entire movie:

The only watchable 1 minute 40 seconds of a 91 minute movie right here, folks.

Ghost Ship quickly became known by us as the worst movie ever. Over the years there were some challengers, but with the exception of The Unborn in 2009, nothing ever came remotely close to unseating the champion.

Her ass on this poster was the best part about the movie, because
her ass in those panties wasn't even in the movie.

Yeah, a flick about such nonsense as unborn twins, and changing eye colors... at least I think that was what the movie was about, it honestly didn't make a lick of sense... and Gary Oldman as a rabbi (worst casting ever) wasn't bad enough to dethrone Ghost Ship from it's "lofty" perch. Ever since, the hierarchy of awful movies has been:

3) A tie between every SyFy original ever
2) The Unborn
1) Ghost Ship

After this weekend, though, I can announce that a new champion has finally overtaken the top spot, knocking everything else down a peg.


I don't know if I can find words for how bad Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is, but I'll give it a shot.

It's so bad it made my friend wish he was watching Nic Cage's recent craptastic movie, Season of the Witch. At least that had Ron Perlman. All this had was Idris Elba competing with Ciaran Hinds as to who could be the biggest, most annoying over-actor... like no one told them they had no chance of outdoing Cage in that regard.

It's so bad, I took my 3D glasses off multiple times because I honestly thought it might be more enjoyable blurry and out of focus. I was right.

It's so bad that it makes the first Ghost Rider flick look like The Godfather, Part II.

It's so bad that literally the only bright spot of the movie (other than when it was over) was Anthony Stewart Head showing up briefly.

It's so bad that a Ghost Rider CGI-ed onto Cage's stop-motion performance pissing fire and cackling about it was one of the least absurd parts of the whole affair.

It's so bad that I briefly thought about downloading Ghost Ship so I could watch it and feel better about the movie industry. Yes, it's so bad it makes Ghost Ship look positively endearing.

Hmm. I guess I could find words for how bad it is, after all.

Congratulations, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. You are the new "Worst. Movie. Ever."


6 comments:

  1. I don't feel bad that I slept through about 30 minutes of the movie. I was amazed at the amount of cursing in the movie especially the f word and there were so many little kids in the theater. Anyways I remember people clapping at the end of the movie. Mostly from the same little kids. Those kids will grow up to be Ghost Rider fans and will be the reason why they will make another Ghost Rider with Nic Cage in it. And yes you will probably pay $20 bucks in 2015 to go see it. lol

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  2. Considering this one is doing even worse at the box office than the first one did... even with the inflated 3D ticket prices... I doubt it.

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  3. Nicholas Cage could fuck up a wet dream.

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  4. I prefer my dearly departed grandfather's version: "He could fuck up a High Mass."

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  5. Once again, I wish to thank you for seeing these steaming piles of poo so that I never have to. My hat is tipped to you, sir!

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  6. I should start charging you for my ticket prices then lol

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