1. Said by someone I worked with at Gold's Gym a few years ago: "Could you guys try to have more self-respect for me?"
2. Nick, to Marc: "If Ghengis Khan had a time machine, he would use it to punch your mother in the gut while she was pregnant."
3. Either Nick or me, I can't remember for sure: "I don't wanna be the guy who writes Sgt. Pepper. I wanna be the guy who writes songs good enough to get him brain every night."
4. This line got an excited eyebrow-raise from Chris: "Seth Green is Audrey-sized."
5. A conversation between Nick and myself follows:
Nick: "I would let Ed Norton fuck me. In fact I would let Ed Norton and John Cusack fuck me."
Me: "You know how I know you're gay?"
Nick: "Because I would let Ed Norton and John Cusack fuck me?"
Me: "No, you couldn't stop Ed Norton. You're gay because you'd let John Cusack join in."
Nick: (hysterical laughter)
Me: "The only thing gayer than that would be if you'd fuck Joan Cusack too."
6. Chris, on wanting to stay out of my shenanigans:
Chris: "I have nothing to do with whatever it is you're planning on doing."
Me: "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?"
7. I have absolutely no way to summarize this one:
Jim: "Marc, Brenna wouldn't fuck you with another woman's vagina."
Chris: "No, she might with another woman's, she's freaky."
Jim: "No, she wouldn't. She'd fuck him with Ray's ass, though."
Marc: "Yes!" (fist-pumps)
8. I don't know why Ray said this, but he did: "If I'm gonna taste anybody's ass, it's gonna be my own."
10. Chris, to me, after I messed my knee up on a bus: "You don't even have bad luck. You just have no luck at all. It's because you put the Yoda slippers on; your knee went into exile."
11. Marc really wanted to go on my aborted trip to Hawaii with me:
Me: "Yes, Marc. I’m taking Nick, not you. If I share a room with him, I don’t have to worry about waking up and finding him in my bed clinging to me like I would worry with you."
Marc: "Well yeah he wouldn’t do that. He has a girlfriend."
Me, after a good minute of looking at him in silence: "So you’re saying it would be okay to get into my bed and cling to me while I slept because you’re single?"
So there you go. I also have a list of lines from our college days, the old SFC "Isolate That" collection; maybe I'll post that one of these days. For now, this is just a taste of what you can probably expect to see from this blog.