An American Haunting and a Halloween Request for Help

Before I get into the meat of this blog, I want to mention something. I had intended to write a blog all about the premiere of American Horror Story on FX last night, but honestly, I have no idea what to say. I love the cast, especially Dylan McDermott and the always awesome Connie Britton (seriously, has she ever been in anything that wasn't awesome? The Brothers McMullen, Spin City, The West Wing, 24, Friday Night Lights... okay, we won't hold the awful Nightmare on Elm Street remake against her, it isn't her fault it sucked. Plus, she's beautiful).

What Lindsay Lohan could have grown into, before the cocaine diet,

bad dye jobs, and ugly lesbians.

Basically, the premise of the show is thus, and be warned, spoilers ahead: a family dealing with a whole lot of drama move into a haunted house and a whole punch of freaky shit happens; seriously, there's a creepy retarded child, dead twins, a guy with half his face burned off, a homicidal kid (maybe? He might not be a kid, it hurt my head), a creepy toothy old ghost-thing in the basement, a gimp suit, a sometimes-old/sometimes-hot dead (again, maybe? Ow, more pain), and a gimp suit. Oh, and Jessica Lange.

This really happened. Okay, not the "10-4 good buddy" part. But the rest really happened.

It seriously creeped me the hell out, and I can't wait to watch the next episode. Okay, maybe I really did know what to say after all.

Anyway, to the point of this blog. Most people know I love Halloween. A lot. I've already got my costume picked out for this year even though I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be wearing it. One thing I want to do this year is keep up a tradition I started last year, wherein I have a marathon spending the day only watching things with a Halloween theme. So, last year I watched the movies Halloween and Halloween II (the new Rob Zombie versions), Trick'r'Treat, and Idle Hands, as well as the three Halloween episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the one Halloween episode of Angel, and, of course, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. So I want to do the same thing this year with as few repeats as possible... although admittedly Trick'r'Treat and Charlie Brown will get repeated just for sheer awesomeness. The only thing I know for sure I want to add right now is Garfield's Halloween Adventure. I always loved the hell out of that cartoon.

"Halloween is my middle name. Garhalloweenfield."

So what I need is suggestions for things to watch. Bear in mind, I don't want random horror movies, I want things specifically with Halloween themes. And don't take the easy way out and just say watch all the original Halloween movies! I want a variety, and I know I have a lot of creative friends. Give me ideas! Go!

House, Home, and Homeland

Yeah, I admit, I have a weakness for cheesy blog titles, but trust me, it fits! Got three different topics to touch on today (alright, maybe four, we know I do go on sometimes...), so let's dive right in.

First up is House. Dr. House, that is. House has been one of my favorite shows for years now, and it started it's eighth season last night. Admittedly, last season went off the rails a little bit; between House being drug-free for most of the season and then dating Cuddy, a lot of it wasn't that entertaining. But after he got dumped, relapsed, and drove a car through Cuddy's wall in the finale, last night's episode focused on House in prison. None of the other cast members, just him, locked up with mass murderers and skinheads who he owed drugs to. Oh, yeah, and Urkel.

He didn't actually look like that, but you get the point.

Focusing the show back directly on House rejuvenated it a bit while also showing again that despite just how majorly screwed up he is, saving a patient's life comes first. Yes, he did have a patient in prison. No, that part didn't make that much sense, but the rest of it was good enough that I was willing to ignore it. The episode ended with him in solitary confinement because he caused a minor riot; next week sees him being temporarily released (which we know will become permanent) under supervision to help his old team save someone's life. Should be interesting.

Next is a quick, more serious update on home, or more accurately, my home life. My grandfather went into the hospital on Sunday due to an inability to breathe and was diagnosed with pneumonia and has been there since. They've said he's doing better and he might come home tomorrow; with this being his second trip to the hospital in under three months and just seeing the way he is everyday, even if he gets over the pneumonia I don't think he'll be around too much longer. I'm not one for prayer or any of that stuff, but if you believe it helps and feel like saying one or two for him, I'd appreciate it.

And that brings us to Homeland, a new show that premiered Sunday night on Showtime after Dexter (which was as awesome as usual, by the way). I had never actually heard of Homeland before Saturday night when I saw a promo for it and said, "What the hell, looks interesting." Boy, was I right. It centers around Sergeant Nicholas Brody, a Marine who was kept in a cave as a POW in Iraq for eight years before finally being found and returned home, and Carrie Anderson, a CIA agent who thinks Brody might have been turned by the terrorists and is now working against America. Claire Danes, by the way, is fabulous as Anderson, who is also completely batshit nuts. At one point, to get out of trouble, she tries to seduce the agent who trained her, played by the always awesome Mandy Patinkin. Sidenote, Mandy Patinkin will never be as awesome as he was when he played Rube on Dead Like Me, another Showtime original.

Rube took his breakfasts very seriously, Peanut.

The show touches on things like how Brody gets reacquainted with his family, including his daughter, his son who was too young when he got shipped overseas to remember him, and his wife, who in the interim started sleeping with his best friend because she thought Brody was dead. Mainly, though, it's about Anderson's quest for the truth: is Brody a traitor? The premier was really gripping, and for me it's become the best new show of the season.

Speaking of new shows, it was announced today that NBC cancelled The Playboy Club, making it the first cancellation of the season. I called it here two weeks ago. Am I good or what?

Super Punch: Art inspired by Neil Gaiman's American Gods

Found this in my internet travels and since a bunch of my friends and I all love American Gods by the amazingly talented Neil Gaiman, I just had to share it. Check out the link for some cool artistic interpretations of one of my favorite books, and here's an example to get you started.

Super Punch: Art inspired by Neil Gaiman's American Gods

Fiction Fridays - A Day Late and a Story Short

Yes, I know. It's Saturday. I was prevented from doing any sort of writing for a Fiction Friday post yesterday by a scorching hangover, and again today by events out of my control that I'd rather not dwell on. So while there won't be any new fiction posted by me until next Friday, I didn't want to just skip this week. Instead, I'm posting a glimpse of the planning I do behind the scenes for the ridiculous story ideas that come into my head.

Click to enlarge

The above is the beginnings of a color-coded family tree for the royal family from a story about an elven kingdom I started writing last year. Only six of the thirteen characters listed above actually appear in the story; the reason I had to do something like this (other than the fact that I enjoy it) is that one of the key story elements is a prophecy that concerns events that befall three separate generations of families... so honestly, I have to go back even further. Eventually I'll get around to posting parts of what exists of that story so far, I'm just delayed by the fact that it was all hand-written over two different notepads and I've just never been in the mood to type it up. It'll happen someday. Until then, enjoy this little peek, and there will be more fiction next Friday, I promise.

Terra(bly Bland) Nova

When I heard about Terra Nova, Fox's new show about people from the future having to travel to love in the days of the dinosaurs because future Earth is too polluted, my first thought was, "What about the butterfly effect?" As a big sci-fi fan, I was immediately interested in the ramifications of the old thing about how killing a butterfly back in the dinosaur era could flood the earth in the present or something equally nutty. To a lesser extent, I was also curious about just how the time travel was pulled off. Imagine my disappoint, then, when in one short scene it is explained that they didn't create time travel but instead took advantage of a rift through time that opened out of nowhere; then amplify my disappointment when they say that the time portal also took them into an alternate timeline so they didn't have to worry about the butterfly effect at all. They used almost those exact words. So, basically what we have here is a drama pretending to be science fiction while removing the science fiction from itself by taking the easy way out and not having to explore any sci-fi issues at all. The writers really should have taken a lesson from Rocky IV...

There really is no easy way out, people.

Take away those elements and what do we have left? A really bland drama about a family with an unnecessarily whiny son, some mysteries ripped straight off of the island from Lost, mostly lifeless acting and dialogue, and some really bad CGI dinosaurs. Seriously, the Jurassic Park dinosaurs looked better than this, and that was eighteen years ago!

Wait, we're how old now??

Terra Nova gets cut from my list, not so much for being bad, because it isn't; it just isn't good, either. There's nothing about to make me want to come back and watch it again. Maybe once Fox cancels it after one season I'll eventually get around to watching it just to see how it ends, but I doubt it. That's five new shows rejected and only 2 Broke Girls making the cut... I'm starting to weep for network television.

In an unrelated note, I am now an ordained minister, capable of performing marriages, funerals, and various other things... I mean, if I can't find a real job, might as well, right?

Yes, yes you can!

Red State of the Union

I've been a fan of Kevin Smith and his movies since the first time I saw Clerks back in 1998... wait, taking a minute to feel old... okay, I'm over it. Anyway, I've seen all of his movies, usually multiple times, and with one or two exceptions, I've enjoyed them all. The thing is, with Kevin Smith movies, you always know what you're going to get... some slapstick, a whole lot of "dick and fart humor," and some heart underneath it all that'll probably lead to a life lesson. That's why a non-comedy from him, the second* of his career, was something I was dying to see but couldn't during the Red State Tour because of how exorbitant the ticket prices were. Forty bucks for a ticket alone just isn't happening. But when I saw the movie was available On Demand, the wait was over.

The "horror film" tagline is a bit inaccurate as Red State is definitely a thriller more than anything else, but if the purpose of the line is to let you know this isn't the usual Kevin Smith fare, well, it definitely is on the money. Right off the bat, it just feels like it was directed by someone else. There's no alternative background music or sarcastic fanboy witticisms. There are a few instances of fratboy humor as three male students get ready to go meet an older lady for a gangbang they arranged online, but when they get there... well, I don't want to spoil anything because I know the majority of people probably haven't seen it yet, but let's be honest; we all know an internet-arranged gangbang probably doesn't end well, right?

Avoiding spoilers, the way I see it is this: Red State has three good things going for it and three bad things working against it. Starting with the good, it's topical. With those idiots in the WBC as the basis for the church/cult in the flick and other idiot preachers like the jackass who predicted and then re-predicted the end of the world all up in the public consciousness these days, it serves to make the film more engrossing. The relatively low budget ($4 million) works for it as well, giving it a much more real, rural feel most of the time. Lastly, there are a few really good acting performances. Kerry Bishe manages to squeeze some likeability out of her role as Cheyenne, one of the members of the church who just wants to do one good thing. John Goodman is great as Special Agent Keenan, the ATF agent in charge of the attempts to bring the church down.

He wasn't quite as awesome as he was here...

But he was definitely more awesome than he was here.

 The whole movie is stolen, however, by Michael Parks performance as Abin Cooper, the reverend in charge, who comes off naturally as completely batshit crazy but also sort of likable; it's easy to see why people might follow him, especially during what is basically a long soliloquy by him not long into the movie.

As for the negatives... for one thing, the fact that this is so afield from what Smith usually does, and such a big deal was made of that fact, that is was difficult for me at least to keep that thought from coming into my head throughout the movie, which decreased my enjoyment at least. Also, in terms of the characters, they all do fairly unsympathetic things during the course of events, making it hard to root for any of them, except for a three kids mentioned earlier; although the fact that they're stupid enough to fall for an online invitation to gangbang a woman they never met makes me root for their deaths. Lastly, there's a moment where it seems like the ending is going one way but then goes another; if it had gone the way it felt like it was at first, it would have been a much more provocative ending, which might have been a better way to go.

All in all though, I do think Red State is a good movie that is worth watching, and I definitely wouldn't mind if Kevin Smith went out of his comfort zone more often to make more movies like this.

*Okay, technically it's the first non-comedy of his career because Jersey Girl is technically classified as a comedy, but come on, that movie just wasn't funny. At all.

Precocious pain in the ass. Oh, yeah, and the girl stinks too.

Fiction Fridays - Untitled Magic Story Part 3

Here's my first attempt at some fiction writing now that I'm back to blogging again. It's set in the same story as my previous two Fiction Friday entries (which can be found here and here) but is a bit further ahead in the story, mostly because this scenario popped into my head during my fruitless attempts to sleep last night and I couldn't wait to get into it. So, enjoy. It's a very rough draft, I can already think of changes and additions that I need to make, but I'm pressed for time and wanted to get this up today. Read it; feedback is always appreciated, and occasionally even listened to!

I had a hunch I was in trouble when I woke up and had no idea where I was or how I got there. The fact that it was darker than Mordred’s heart didn’t help. I’ve met Mordred, by the way; he’s every bit the bastard you’d expect the man who ruined Camelot to be. And I don’t buy it when he blames it on the fact that he had an uncle-father and an aunt-mother, there was plenty of incest back in those days and nobody else turned out like him. But I digress.

As I pulled myself to my feet, leaning against the wall I felt behind me to give me some sense of where the hell I was, I searched my mind for any ideas on how I got here, wherever here was, but I was drawing a blank. I reached my left hand out and felt a wall. Same thing when I reached my right hand out. I must have been at the end of a hallway. “Only one way to go,” I muttered as I started walking forward. I kept one hand in front of me at all times to keep myself from bumping into something, alternating hands every few seconds to keep track of the walls on my sides. Honestly, I could have used a minor spell to conjure up some light, but without knowing where I was or what fail-safes might have been around me, that was risky. Better to hold off on that until I had no choice.

And, as my mind started working again, I had to admit I didn’t have a lot of strength left, so it was best to conserve energy. I had used a metric shit-ton of magic on the last job the Covenant had given me, and I was just about spent. I could remember going home after it was done, collapsing on my bed, passing out, and then… nothing, till I woke up here, wherever the hell here was.

After a few minutes of walking, I felt a wall in front of me. I reached my arms out to both sides, even going so far as to lean back and forth in each direction; the walls to the sides of me had stopped. With no idea where I was or where to turn now, I had no choice but to cast a light spell. Fully aware of just how close to empty my tank was, I kept it as simple as possible, whispering a quick “Lumini” enchantment and snapping my fingers. A small light flickered to life where my fingers connected, giving me a brief glance of where I was before it went out again. And that glance was more than enough.

I was in the Corridors.

The Corridors, where any poor bastard caught violating the Covenant’s laws were kept until they were ready to be sentenced. But I hadn’t broken any laws; in fact, as a Jack, I worked for the Covenant! And why were the lights out? Whenever anyone was kept in the Corridors, the lights were blazing and there were Magistrates watching their every move. Magistrates… thinking of them brought another little factoid bubbling up to the surface of my rapidly less and less addled brain: only Magistrates or members of the Covenant could place someone into the Corridors, or take someone out. Which meant…

“Crowley’s charred crimson cock,” I swore vehemently.

“Ah, finally realization dawns,” a voice called to me from the darkness. I could tell it was being magically altered to distort both the sound of the voice and its distance from me. “Good. This will be so much more entertaining for me now that you understand exactly what is going on.”

Joke's on him, whoever he is, I thought darkly. I might have known that I was royally fucked, but understanding exactly what was going on? I didn’t have the first damn clue.