The To-Do List

It's not exactly a big secret that my life is in a bit of a shambles right now. Unemployment, debt, sick grandparents, etc. So, with that in mind, I've put together a list of the things I need to do to right the ship before I make like the Titanic and die in a spectacularly long and bad movie.

1.) Get a job with decent pay and benefits, because I'm closer to thirty-one than thirty now and benefits are becoming more and more important... it's only a matter of time til my liver needs some attention! And I really need a phone that doesn't suck. Plus, I've got exactly four weeks of unemployment benefits left before I join the Fully Financially Fucked Foundation.

2.) Get laid. Yes, we'll see some things on this list that seem like a bigger priority, but intimacy is a basic human need and, well, let's face it, I'm in a dry spell so long it makes the Jews who wandered the desert for forty years look positively dewy.

3.) Pay off the student loans and hospital bills I am slowly drowning under, especially now that there are letters from lawyers arriving. Of course, without making #1 happen, this is impossible.

4.) Move the hell out of this house that is rapidly becoming a hospice. Aside from keeping me from slowly going crazy, this will help with #2, but is also impossible without #1.

5.) Find a diet I can stick to that doesn't make me absolutely miserable because I'm not allowed to eat anything that actually tastes like anything. There's only so much cereal, grilled chicken, tuna, and fat-free everything a man can take. Again, this will help with #2 but is sort of dependent on #1 for more choices... plus, let's be honest, the expensive crap that tastes like dry ass is more expensive than any of the stuff that tastes good.

6.) Write more. Hello, blog! And hey, this is free, so screw you, #1!!! Of course, unless someone out there is really turned on by semi-witty blogs, this ain't getting me anywhere with that pesky #2...

7.) Get this ordination taken care of so I can be the officiant at my friends' wedding like they asked me to. It's a nice thing to do and I'm looking forward to it. And who knows, maybe it'll make me a little extra cash here and there. Also, I get to pick my title, like "Magus" or even "Archangel." Thoughts?

So that's the list. There are probably some other things that would come to me if I really thought about it, but those are definitely the pressing needs in front of me at the moment. Hopefully I'll be able to cross some of these off soon. Either way, I'm sure updates will be appearing here as needed... so y'all come back now, ya hear?


  1. This is a good list, Jim. I am quite aware that advice always sounds worst when you are feeling low, so all I will say is persevere. I mean, if you try, you might succeed. If you quit, it will only get worse...

  2. Of course it's a good list; I wrote it! I kid, I kid. But seriously... archangel? Magus? Reverend?


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