Fiction Friday - The Legend of Karenina and Her Minions II: The Red-Headed Sea Devil's Special Needs Cow of Vengeance!
Yes, I realize it's technically Sunday, leave me alone. I actually did write this on Friday, but I didn't want to post it until I showed it to the person who gave me the idea first, which I did last night, so you all get it today. It's the sequel to that ridiculous story I posted a few weeks ago, picking up right where that one left off, and I think this one is even more ridiculous... I mean, come on, look at that title! The worst part is, I have an even more ridiculous idea in mind for part three...
Karenina and her minions might have jovially flown off into the sunset, but when Amandilly landed in the ocean scores of miles from shore, she was none too pleased. All she had wanted to do was snack on some minions, and since Karenina had four of them, she thought she could have spared one or two! Instead, she got attacked by a giant, smelly kraken.
That was an unpleasant experience.
Now the first thing on Amandilly’s mind was revenge. Well, okay, that was the second thing. The first thing was minion-finding. After all, a girl has to eat.
It was hard to find minions to eat in the ocean, though, and she had to settle for scraping plankton off a sleeping whale and eating that… the way plankton hang on and live off of whales, it was the closest thing she could find to eating actual minions.
Unsatisfied but fed, she turned her thoughts to vengeance as she swam home as fast as she could, to the undersea cave she shared with her magic mermaid roommate, Amberella.
It should be noted that, while Amandilly didn’t think she was evil, she, in fact, was. She ate people. She didn’t have to. She just decided one day to limit her meals to minions instead of, say, meat, or mozzarella.
Amberella, on the other hand, wasn’t evil. She was a happy magic mermaid who never willingly hurt anyone; she was the perfect example of someone who fell in with a bad crowd without realizing it. And so, when Amandilly swam back into the cave with a huge bruise across the side of her face from where Shadow the kraken’s tentacle hit her, Amberella was immediately horrified that her friend had been hurt and asked what happened.
Amandilly told her she had been out on the beach on her way to get dinner when she was attacked by an evil fairy princess and her gang, which, in her red-headed sea devil mind, was exactly what happened.
Enraged that someone would just attack her friend like that, Amberella promised she’d use her magic to conjure up an evil, nasty beast to punish the brutes that hurt her friend.
Amandilly the narwhal smiled then, happy that Karenina would pay for what she did… until she realized that Amberella’s spells never, ever worked out the way they were supposed to…
Meanwhile, Karenina the winged fairy and Jimothan the troll had arrived at a tavern where, true to her word, Karenina paid for the first round. Sadly, the tavern had a very strict “no pets allowed” policy so Sophie the duck had to stay in the stable with Rupert the magical glitter pony. Needless to say, the stable was veritably afire with Sophie’s indignation and they could hear the reverberations of her “Mehs” all the way inside the tavern, which amused Karenina and Jimothan to no end.
Jimothan kept trying to bring up the topic of when she would keep her promise to help him become human again, but every time he tried, Karenina changed the subject to one of their past adventures, like the time she had sent him to woo the crown prince of the land of Those With Caveman Hair, a land Jimothan didn’t even want to go to because of how ridiculous the name was, or the time she had stolen a magical viewing globe that she didn’t even know how to work from one of her conquests. When even those tales stopped distracting him, she stooped to exploiting Jimothan’s biggest weakness: free shots.
So it was that, many free shots and distracted conversations later, neither Karenina or Jimothan were in full possession of their faculties; which of course meant that when Sophie came running through the tavern doors in flagrant violation of the “no pets” rule, flapping her wings and quacking out “mehs” that were far more terrified than indignant for once, it was the worst possible time.
Jimothan was so startled by Sophie’s sudden arrival that he leapt off of his barstool and, in his drunkenness, promptly fell over, eliciting a fit of laughter from Karenina. So it was from his position on the floor that, when her laughter turned into an exclamation of surprise, he had no idea that it was because the cause of Sophie’s fit of fear had come into the tavern until it was standing right on top of him…
…and he found himself staring up into the slobbering face of a cow. A cow that promptly mooed at him before falling over.
Jimothan barely scrambled out of the way in time to avoid having the cow land on him. He pulled himself to a standing position as the cow did likewise, and then joined Karenina in watching the cow almost stumble again as it walked over to them before stumbling right past them and hitting its head on the bar.
Karenina opined that she thought the cow was adorable, if a little bit special. Jim opined that he just thought the cow was special. The cow didn’t opine at all; it simply mooed pitifully and tried to come at them again, banging its head again in the process. Feeling very bad for the poor cow, Karenina reached down into her special red socks and gathered up some of her fairy dust and threw it towards the cow. Suddenly, a bright blue helmet appeared on the cow’s head, a handsome helmet for a handsome cow, Karenina called it.
Jimothan pointed out that from the vantage point he had on the floor, he was fairly sure this was not the kind of cow that would wear blue. Karenina giggled happily and blinked, and the helmet became pink, with a little flower painted on the side.
Shaking his head in drunken exasperation, Jimothan watched as the cow mooed again, a moo that somehow sounded happier this time, and walked over to Karenina, not noticed when she banged her head this time, and licked her hand. Karenina smiled in satisfaction and decided the cow’s name would be Selena and she would be joining them on their adventures, despite Jimothan’s attempt to point out that there was no way Rupert the magical glitter pony could possibly carry a cow on his back…
Back in the sea cave, Amandilly and Amberella watched this scene unfold, Amandilly angrily and Amberella amused at how cute the newly-christened Selena was in that helmet. Amandilly sighed helplessly as she realized she shouldn’t have expected anything really evil to come out of a spell cast by a mermaid as sweet as her cavemate, and cheered herself up by thinking that even though a cow with special needs didn’t help her get her revenge tonight, Karenina did just gain another minion… for Amandilly to eat next time!